Dear Reader,
May I ask you two questions?
Were you baptised as a baby?
Did you have two loving and caring parents?
I ask you to hold these two questions and their answers while we consider a walk in faith today, trusting for the missing pieces.. For many years I never even thought about my parents or the life I had lived as a child. Both were dead, and I assumed every adult was without parents - until at the age of 45 ish, I discovered nearly all the members of staff in this polytechnic, had one or more parents alive!! But I still didn't really know any suffering with this until my only source of love at that time, my partner, had affirmed our original agreement, and said he didn't want to marry me.
My tears, and the mercy of God, led to me being called back to an active faith, and a daily walk with God in prayer. I slowly learned that if we continue to look to God for guidance and desire to do His will, we are daily growing and changing, prayer by prayer, as we serve, and as all that is in the dark is being brought to the Light.
But, as happened to me one night about 18 months ago, I was reminded that the buried missing parts, usually got buried through pain, and they resurrect in similar form. At the end of an evening when I had been writing, I found myself plugging in my iPad which I haven’t used since I came to the flat in Scotland. I then fell into what felt like a prayerless ‘blip’ and I realised I had Scrabble on there…. and while it was charging, I played a whole game at ‘Hard’ level, and even won!
I then went to bed and through prayer surrendered all back to Christ, and slept. But the following morning I came to an awareness of deep darkness emerging, and the lovelessness, in my heart and soul, was very strong. Consciously, and deep within that sense of loss, was a cry to God, and a desire to die. Firstly, in Christ, I owned this deep and inconsolable pain of the child, and prayed for others who had this sense of loss, lovelessness and hopelessness, and then my phone beeped – bringing me back to faith in a Living God.
When I looked – I saw a pictorial message from a Romanian friend. It started with the word:
Can’t. – then underneath- the second
Can’ t had a little figure separating the t (which looked like a cross).
On the third line the figure was carrying the ‘t’ Cross away–
Can’ ( Figure carrying the cross. ) And on the 4th line
Can With a distant hill bearing the cross at the top of it.
God was speaking to me. My (your) heart pain was real, gets buried in our bodies, and makes us feel we can’t – hope, act, or praise, give thanks for our life, learn or serve – BUT with Christ in the picture and our will surrendered, we CAN, but only through His Spirit. He truly is the Redeemer. And in fact I realised that He was the one who had born this pain and given me His Spirit – in His Holy Heart in me (and had given me great grace to learn as a child) – until such time as I was Strong enough in faith to allow it to the Light with my conscious will involved. He truly is my Strength and Source of all Love for my own life, and for others.
So dear souls, give thanks for Christ in your life if you were/are baptised, and the work of the Holy Spirit, bringing dark to Light. And if you did not have loving parents, thank God for His parenting, upholding you, and His Spirit, in Christ, who truly LIFTs us through these current trials. As a child I had become very creative, able to make all sorts of things, and good with words – poetry and Scrabble!!
I am glad for these current trials now bringing this to consciousness, as I do not want this darkness and self-hatred to stay within me nor the desire to die hold back my will for His service. I desire to live His commandments to Love God with All I am, and my neighbour as myself - but I know it cannot be done by me in human strength. I see now how powerless I was with no love for me in my heart. Since that time when this came to the light, I do play Scrabble without blame or shame, but not often!
So I thank God that His solution of Love and forgiveness, via the Cross, is EVER available to me!! And thank God for the person who was prompted to send that email – JUST at that moment.
So dear Readers, if you really want to Love God with All your Heart, Mind, Soul and Strength, and your neighbour as yourself, and know you don’t, God is not condemning you. He wants to set you free from all the things that bind you to false gods, false images of yourself, or false prophets.
Lets do what Jesus asks us, ‘Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden and learn from Me…`I am lowly and humble of heart…My yoke is easy, my burden in Light’. (Matt 11:28-30) We need to keep seeking, knocking and asking, and we will find new Life in Love.
After 3 books in a Trilogy called, ‘He Heals the Broken Hearted’, which described the key problems, teachings and work of the Holy Spirit, I was led to build a summary of the journey God has led me on over the last 30 years.
It became a 4 month opportunity to ‘take every thought captive’ and go to Jesus with all your burdens, one day at a time, through L.I.F.T.E.R (Life In Faith Trusts Eternally Rejoicing). It takes at heart the need to rebuild the broken Heart in Love and faith, thus encouraging the Mind to grow in all that is ‘beautiful, noble and true’ with a will for good. Step by step, prayer by prayer, the controlling that came from fear, is transformed into LOVE and TRUST of the Life in Grace.
Like me, you will grow in Faith, Love, Grace, Self-control and a Willingness to Love and Trust God, and Love and serve in Spirit and in Truth. All the burdens of trying to be good enough to be loved by parents, authority – even by God, melt away before Christ’s Trust in the Father, and Life in His Spirit of Love, Joy, Compassion, and Gentleness.
I do not offer you ‘perfection’ from myself – but His Love, Mercy, Gentleness, for YOU – and through you to others – as you stop judging, condemning, or serving in pride and desperation. Only in Self-acceptance as a Child of God, obedient to the Father, can we live in Peace, Surrender, and Witness to His Purity and the Perfection of the Cross…’Father forgive them they know not what they do’. Interested in finding lost pieces?
Mention your interest in the comments or send an email if you would like to know more.